Vivizul

Yes people I have reached that point in life where its time to leave home and go for uni. I really hate to say this but im so disappointed with how I feel at this point in life. All my younger years, I always said “gawd! I can’t wait for uni. I just want to get out of this boring place.” But now that the time is approaching that feeling has abandoned me (Traitor!!). hehehe but seriously I don’t feel like that anymore. Now I’m just so scared of leaving that I’ve actually considered staying (yes that’s how afraid I am). Initially I was so afraid of telling anyone cause I was afraid they would just think I’ve lost it up there if I told them and wee themselves thinking I was joking. But thank god for my best friend who I confided in. well she feels the same way. Were both scared to death of leaving (although we didn’t know why). So we concluded that everyone must feel that way. Either that or were both dorks (which we are anyways init maya). We both sat at chills café and talked about it both saying we actually considered going to ubd, not having to leave home and go through the trouble of going through MOE interviews. 

But my boyfriend, my bestest friend in the whole wide world was blessed with a so much more bigger brain than my peanut sized one (although I shall never agree that he is smarter than I am) has simply put it into a clearer view for me when I finally told him about my worries..  Well he rightly concluded that we felt scared because we were going to a foreign country where everything is going to be different. It’s an entirely new place where we don’t know anyone. We’ll have to change drastically in order to fit. And that’s where the problem stems from. Firstly we don’t know anyone and although were extremely social people but we’ve all watched mean girls. It’s a totally different stratum out there. People aren’t like here, their not as laid back and stuff. What happens when we don’t fit in? Will we be loners the whole 4years there? Will we go insane from being isolated and friendless? And to add into that you are really all ALONE.. No mummy to fall back on. That’s just one of the problems he brought up. Secondly he says that money might be a problem since again your there all alone and living independently comes with its tweaks.  But he is so right.. Not knowing what were going to face, moving to a different place where not a single face except Daniel Radcliffe perhaps, is familiar unlike Brunei where everyone’s related to everyone,

I remember the Day she passed away, the day of her accident. I remember my mother crying and my older cousins. God I even remember the maid crying. And yes I cried too although I have no idea why. It was instilled into this peanut sized brain of mine that Diana was this charitable lady, who was what the heroin in every princess movie was probably based on. And funny enough I believed it without really knowing the lady. I remember that when asked who inspired me I would’ve said “Princess Diana” with calm certainty but thinking now, would my answer still be the same. 

Deep thinking (I warned you that I am a random deep thinker) got me pondering on this answer. If the accident was in 1997 I would have been at that time 9 yrs old. Now how would a 9 yr old be able to understand the complexity of the sensationalized princess Diana at such a young age? Man at that age I was still climbing rambutan trees. So how the hell did I know of all the so-called inspirational things Princess Diana did if I weren’t fully grown to understand it? Moreover, I have concluded that like my friend said “I only cried during her death because everyone else was and I didn’t want to be left out.” I was told or must have read somewhere that she was great and that was enough for my peanut sized brain and till today I would have said I admire her but if you ask me why and what she’s done for society my answer would be a damning “uhhhhhh I don’t know” because that is the god honest truth.. Do any of us (of my age of course Del) know why we admire this lady AND THINK OF her as the embodiment of peace? I know the muslim world embraced her because she was about to convert to Islam once she married Dodi (well they all assumed she would convert anyways). The Christian world embraced her because she was charitable, but so is jolie when one really thinks about it, so why do people still criticize Jolie when Diana was idolized without a qualm?

But who am I to judge her. When she was alive and doing her supposed good deeds I wasn’t old enough to even remember them and I wasn’t old enough to see to what extent was she charitable. But she must have been judging by the number of people who turned up for her funeral.  But that still doesn’t solve why I and so many others my age, were so infatuated with her? Or why we idolized her so much when even know I don’t know what she did or how she contributed to society? How was she charitable? I donno..

Now that has led me to conclude that she was probably either over sensationalized and the media probably played a big important role in this tsk tsk tsk naughty media!! Another reason might be because she was really as great as she really was and our parents who knew this all along but didn’t care to tell us poor children why, influenced us into thinking she was great. 

So there you are. I’m not saying its wrong to idolize princess Diana I still secretly idolize her, probably out of habit. But what I am suggesting is with the help of our beautiful Google friend, Google her and find out what she really did so that you have a reason to really admire this powerful woman and your idolizing will be for naught.. Hahahah how’s that for deep.

But I’m sorry princess Diana (may you rest in peace) although deep in my fist-sized heart I know you must be admirable and more, I believe someone has taken your place on the top shelf of my idolize cupboard..

In this modern day, we women are obsessed with the idea of feminism and equality of the sexes. One begins to wonder from where our desperation to be equal to men stems from? Was it because our mother (who are often the most influential person in our lives) grew up during the peak of the rise of feminism, has subconsciously instilled the idea that women should be able to do what men do and whoever says otherwise should be shot? Or is it something that has been over portrayed by the media and has thus influenced us? 

Upon intense pondering, I began to wonder how much equality the ‘fairer’ sex really wants. To understand my train of thoughts, one must grasp the meaning of equality. Equality of the sex means that the treatment towards both sexes is fair and free of discrimination. Simply put, whatever men can do, women should be allowed the same liberty and vise versa. 

Little things in life have actually got me thinking that maybe we are sacrificing the little good things in life to achieve equality. Having a door slammed on my face reduced the feeling of feminism that was once precious to me. The excuse my male friend gave me for his lack of chivalry was “were equal, I’m sure you could’ve done it on your own. If a male could do it, so could a female”. Even though I reminded him that it wasn’t an equality issue but a courtesy issue to hold the door open for the next person, his words held a ring of truth. 

If we really wanted equality of the sexes whereby, female could do everything males could, then why does every female feels a sense of loss whenever we have to pay for dinner dates or when we have to open the car doors on our own or when a male doesn’t stand up when a female enters a room anymore? The act of chivalry is slowly disappearing and this is partly due to the fact that women are obsessed with being equal to the male. 

By demanding equality of the sexes, we females have unconsciously lost control of the strict rules and etiquettes women centuries ago had firmly established and lived by daily. Hence slowly males are starting to treat us as their male “buddies”. Now a man feels free to sit before a woman does, they feel free to scratch their privates and release gas without any shame. Have we involuntarily turned men from civilized gentleman, to less gentlemanly human beings by demanding equality?  

Apart from the loss of chivalry, gentlemanly attitudes which we secretly wish we could have back, there is another downfall to equality of the sexes that is do we really want to do what men do and vise versa?  

Do we not all secretly wish that we were housewives who have all the time in the world to take care of herself like going to the spa instead of being career orientated mummy’s who are too busy juggling time? Do we not all secretly hope that our husband, brother or father would do the manly duties which we now, as equals, have to share? Sending and picking up the kids from school throughout the day, carrying boxes from the garage and moving cupboards are a few examples.  

While we do feel liberated and equal when the males pitch in to help with the work around the house like the washing and looking after the children at the end of a tiring day, one always feels slightly jealous and rueful when the children say they prefer daddy’s packed lunch to mummy’s for school. And it continually feels like the males are invading our spaces, our domain, when their cooked meals get more praises from visitors than ours ever did. 

I do admit that there have been great achievements from demanding equality. The opening of employment to females is one of them. Through equality of the sexes there has also been a significant reduction of domestic violence against females because they are now treated with more respect, as equals. 

But still I say as much as I love being able to do all the things males can do, as it lends me a feeling of independence, there are some things which we women have given up as stated above. Therefore, what I am suggesting is a life where woman are treated as equals to the extent that they are still treated with respect that every human being deserves and where chivalry should be a must! If this were implemented then we could still have our career opportunities intact and get our dinner dates paid as well! Am I being too greedy or is this the answer to everywoman’s dream? 

so i finally got myself around to watching the movie GUARDIAN. i bought the DVD a month ago but ive obviously put of watching it because most of the people who said it was good were my boy-crazed-girlfriends. so i concluded that the reason they said it was good was because it MUST have had wet topless men through out the movie.

But i was pleasantly surprised because i truly really enjoyed it. Ashton Kutcher amazed me because i was so convinced that he could’t act seriously. but he excelled at the role he played.. the macho-i-am-the-best-guy in the world part (Del could play this part).. kevin Costner was excellent as well playing the hard cynical instructor.. all in all it was definetly worth the watch.

But that story made me really think, with people dying every 10minutes that is, it made me think about life in general. It amazes me how no matter how careful we are or how healthy, we could be gone anytime, anywhere. It’s all written in the stars or books somewhere hahaha ok im not that corny but seriously though.. it all depends on Gods will. here are instances..

for example, i could be tucked in my gorgeous car, seatbelt and all, driving 60km/hr, looking left and right before i turn.. and all of a sudden a crazy lunatic’s car is flying in my direction from the other lane.. and that’s it.. finito.. the end of my 19years. it’s pathetic really how it all works. or you could simply be this kid who gets straight A’s, who has never harmed a single soul but then the kid goes and plays outside, minding his or her own business and dies from a snake bite.. how fair is that?

Like i said, life is too short or too unpredictable to take for granted. If this is my final conclusion then shouldn’t i just ditch university, rob a bank and live a life filled with happiness and never worry about a single thing ever again? hmmmm tempting as this may sound it is obviously unrealistic..

But i have concluded that since i can’t control when im going to die then i should enjoy every single day of it (it’s funny how i’ve heard this soooooo many times yet it’s only hit me now the full extent of the meaning). So being the deep philosopher i am, you all should heed my advice and enjoy life. when you notice that huge pimple on your nose when you wake up early in the morning.. IGNORE IT!! its only a bloody pimple for goodness sake! for all you know today’s your last day and obviously a pimple would be the least of your worries.. so make an effort to make the most of your day.. (but that doesn’t mean spend all the money in your saving accounts all in one day because who knows you might just live till tomorrow..) and when your mother says “take care when you go out”.. you reply “don’t worry mother. when my time comes, it comes..” because this is the god honest truth..

to whoever is dating a helicopter pilot dont watch GUARDIAN. it gives you nightmares. it gave me nightmares and my boyfriend had to put up with my corny “i love you” messages at 5am which was when i finished watching it. hahahah

*Toddlles*